Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm So Tired

In order for the RAI to really work I have to go into a state of hypothyroidism.  When I was given this news, I thought, oh well, so 4 weeks will be tired.  Small price to pay for a cure.  I take that back!  I am into week 2 of not having a thyroid while not taking any supplementation for that missing thyroid.  I am in hell!  I have never, not ever felt this way before. I am tired, but can't sleep at night.  My muscles ache, I am depressed, I am gaining weight, I am cold, I am pissed!

I am too tired to get out of bed to walk my daughter to the bus in the morning, finite days that she wants to be with me are slipping away.  I spent Memorial Day weekend in the a daze, trying to be normal for everyone's benefit because I feel guilty if I don't.  I lay in bed at night with my legs twitching because i suddenly have restless leg syndrome.  I wake up every hour, on the hour for some unknown reason.  I thought I was at least going to catch up on some sleep during this.  I am wallowing in self pity, which makes me angry at myself, because I am lucky to have a cancer with a cure.  I should be happy, but I am not happy.

I want my life back.  I want my thyroid back.  I want my job back.

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