The Drama of Girls

Recently, I have been writing a lot about my son.   The rapid departure of his childhood to adolescence has had me a bit preoccupied these days.  I have not taken notice to the changes that are also occurring in his younger sister's world.  She is only 14 months younger, but has always seemed much younger, emotionally that is, than him.  While she has been taller since she was a toddler (she inherited paternal grandfathers height), she has always been a bit more immature than her peers.  Her brother, who has proven to be the opposite of her in every way from height (he inherited my father's height) to maturity has until recently, commanded far less attention than his younger sibling.  Fifth grade has been a bit more difficult than any of us ever expected. Conflict with friends, a tug of war for independence and the reality that it does take work to get straight A's has thrown him for a loop.  I did not notice that my dear Hannah was going through her own growing pains as well.

Friday was a first for Hannah and myself.  While Hannah used to be immature when compared to her peers, she never fought with her friends.  Really, I had a 10 year old fourth grader who had never come home to confide in us about a fight with a friend.  That is not saying that she hasn't had her feelings hurt or an argument, that of course has happened.  But never with tears or the emotion that walked into this house on Friday.  Friday brought a new chapter of childhood into this family.  It was so emotional, so traumatic that my husband cringed at the thought of reliving his own childhood memories of the fights his own sisters used to divulge to him.  Out of respect to my daughter, I will not reveal the details of her first real girl fight, but let me say it was explosive!  Tears were shed, promises of never speaking to the guilty party  made (as of yesterday, the girls are friends again) and worst of all the ever important BFF list was revised.  I believe she even told me of her plans for revenge,  a mean postcard sent while on vacation was going to be all the vindication she needed.  Like a good mother I listened to her story.  I even relived some of my own girlhood trauma by thinking about similar fights.  I than did the rational thing and told her I was sorry she was hurt and that she had every right to feel sad.  I also told her she was blowing things WAY out of proportion, which she was and told her to think about it more.  I also reminded her that while she believed the world was coming to an end (which she promised me through tears and screaming that it really was coming to an end) things would be better by the end of the weekend.  Which they were.  When I left her to wallow in her grief, and closed her door behind me, I couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness.  The sadness was not brought on by her fight, but by the fact that in one afternoon, my daughter who had never experienced such anger  had been completely overcome by preteen emotions.  It made me realize that I am not just losing one child to adolescence, I am losing 2 at the same time.    

I have often heard that girls mature faster than boys.  Until now, I did not think that would be the case with my children.  Alec has always been so serious, mature for his age and meticulous about his school work and surroundings.  Hannah has been my free spirit.  Caring very little about her appearance, immature, and silly.  Recently though, I have noticed a shift, a bit of a role reversal.  Alec does not care about his room anymore, would rather be with his friends instead of doing school work, will even run through the grocery store like a 5 year old.  Hannah has been pointing these things out to me.  Noticing that he is no longer the mature one, she is. The speech problem that she had for so long has been "cured" after years of therapy, making her sound older than I ever expected.  She takes extra time in the morning to get herself ready for school, always being the one to remind her siblings to brush their teeth and comb their hair. She spends extra time at her desk every night doing her homework, making sure that it is done with extra effort.   I even heard her ask her brother if his friends know that he acts like a child, his response was "I am a child!"  In my wildest dreams,  I never would have expected to hear that conversation between them.

I have to remind myself that while I have 2 children who are no longer in need of so much of my time, I also have a 6 year old daughter who is still very much a little girl.  I plan on cherishing every moment that I still have of her young childhood.   Knowing that with everyday that passes, she is going to reach the preteen milestones that we are experiencing right now with not 1, but 2 children.  I wouldn't change a single thing though.  While I am experiencing some sadness these days, there is so much more joy than I could ever have of imagined having these 3 wonderful people in my life.  I consider it to be the greatest gift I have been given, the opportunity to watch them develop into the accomplished adults that I know they will someday become.