Day 166 - I Am No Longer Afraid To Be Home Alone!

Since I was a teenager I have been afraid to be home alone. When I was a senior in high school my parents would leave me home alone occasionally (no gasps please, I was 18 at the time). I would stay awake until the sun was rising and then go to sleep. I was somehow convinced that something would happen to me if I fell asleep.

When I went to college, I always had a roommate. First my dorm room mate, than a friend, finally I moved in with my boyfriend who I eventually married. I was never alone at night. If Eric left, I found a friend to stay with. That is how truly terrified I was.

When we married and he had to start occasionally traveling, I found myself terrified again. Often staying up all night, until I could see the sun rising before going to sleep. That method led to some very tired days at work. I will never forget the first time he left me alone, I was standing in the kitchen and saw the words RED RUM written on the screen. Eric thought he was being funny before departing, it nearly scared me to death. As the years have gone by, my fear was as strong as ever. I even talked my mom into visiting for a few days several years ago when Eric was out of town, the fear of being alone was overwhelming.

For the last several years, Eric travels a few times a year. Suddenly, I am no longer afraid. I like to think that it is because I am a braver person. I don't think that is the case. I think it has to do with the fact that I have older children now. I have a 13 year old son who teeters between being a child and a young adult. Having him here makes me feel safer, more secure. Good news for me, because I no longer dread being in the house without Eric. Bad news because he will be leaving in several years and I will be on my own again. No need to dwell on the future though, for this week, I have no fear of being home without my husband.